Stop Trying to Win the Argument. Start Trying to Love the Person.

There’s something in us that needs to be right.

We feel it rising up in conversations—on social media threads, in family debates, in church disagreements. Someone says something wrong, and we can almost feel the adrenaline. I’ve got to fix this. I’ve got to correct them. If I just say it clearly enough, they’ll finally understand.

But what if we’re fighting the wrong battle?

In First Corinthians 13:1–2, Paul says that even if we can speak with the tongues of men and angels, even if we understand all mysteries and all knowledge—but don’t have love—we are nothing. Nothing. That’s terrifying. You can win every theological debate and still lose the heart of God.

Jesus never commanded us to win arguments. He commanded us to love.

In Gospel of John 13:35, Jesus says, “By this all people will know that you are my disciples, if you have love for one another.” Notice what He didn’t say. He didn’t say, “They’ll know you’re Mine because you out-argue everyone.” He didn’t say, “They’ll know you’re Mine because your comment sections are airtight.” He said love.

And yet so often, we measure faithfulness by how effectively we can dismantle someone else’s viewpoint.

Now, truth matters. Deeply. Jesus calls Himself “the truth” (John 14:6). We are not called to compromise what God has spoken. But Scripture is equally clear that truth without love is distortion.

Ephesians 4:15 tells us to speak the truth in love. Not truth instead of love. Not love instead of truth. But truth wrapped in the gentleness and humility of Christ.

When Jesus encountered sinners, He didn’t start with a lecture. Think about the woman caught in adultery in Gospel of John 8. The religious leaders wanted a verdict. Jesus knelt down. He disarmed the mob. And then, when it was just the two of them, He spoke words that were both piercing and compassionate: “Neither do I condemn you; go, and from now on sin no more.” He didn’t excuse sin. But He led with mercy.

Romans 2:4 says it’s God’s kindness that leads us to repentance.

Not His argumentation.
Not His volume.
Not His ability to dominate a debate.

His kindness.

If we’re honest, sometimes we’re less interested in someone’s transformation and more interested in our own vindication. We want to feel right. We want to win. But love lays down the need to win. Love absorbs misunderstanding. Love stays patient when someone doesn’t “get it.”

In Second Timothy 2:24–25, Paul writes, “The Lord’s servant must not be quarrelsome but kind to everyone… correcting his opponents with gentleness.” Gentleness. That word alone dismantles half of our online interactions.

What if instead of trying to corner people with logic, we washed their feet?

What if instead of crafting the perfect rebuttal, we asked better questions and listened longer?

The world is drowning in outrage. But it’s starving for supernatural love.

You can’t argue someone into the Kingdom. Only the Spirit of God can change a heart. Our role is to reflect Jesus so clearly that people encounter Him through us. And Jesus—holy, righteous, perfectly right—chose the cross over the last word.

Maybe the most Christlike thing you can do in your next disagreement isn’t to win.

It’s to love.